now that I've seen

A teammate of mine is so talented in filming and photography and she put together a video of our two week trip. to me, i clicked play to watch it, expecting it to be another video of a trip to africa that was full of desperation and sadness.. but what i saw was so completely different. i saw all those little faces that i spent time with. all of those beautiful, happy smiles. and i knew who they were, i immediately recognized them. i saw such JOY and LIFE in that video. i didn't see how sad and deprived these people were. i saw how they were happy, and dancing and singing with joy! i saw what it was like to live for the day and for the Lord and not for money or the things that we have. i saw people who didn't do things to just put on a resume or to get something in return. i saw people who LOVED each other and who did what was right and gave everything that they could.

this post is very hard on my heart for me to write... because i miss them so much. i miss those sweet little faces that i saw in the video. and seeing them moving around and waving at the camera made me feel like i was back in ethiopia again. i want to be back so bad.. i want to make them feel so special and show them how special they are to the Lord. i want to be around people who love the Lord with every last breath they breathe.

i was telling some of my friends how sad i felt being back here. i never thought i would feel SAD to be back in such a comfortable life i live. i don't have to work all day long and serve others all the time here like i did in ethiopia. i get to sleep in a safe house and have running water. i get to live comfortably. going to ethiopia has taught me i don't want to live comfortably again. i want to be serving the Lord and putting myself out there and being an instrument for him. and coming back to a life of comfort and being self serving is frustrating...

i go to sleep and wake up everyday with the faces of all the little kids and streetboys in my memory. i'm so scared for their future but i am trying so hard to trust in the Lord.. it's hard to be here at school when my heart isn't here at all. i'm trying to be passionate about things while i'm here but its hard when the things i care about most are half way across the world. i've watched the video everyday and each time it makes my heart hurt. i miss them so so much. i know God is faithful and i know he will get me through this. he will be the mighty protector and watch over all of the streetboys. it's easier for me to say it than it is to believe it. but i know i've got to trust in him.

i love the quote "now that i've seen, i'm responsible" because i saw so much over on our trip that i never knew existed in the world. such poverty and brokenness. and i know we can help. it's hard to be proactive while you're in college but i also feel like its the best time to get the word out because we are all the same age at the same place. so i pray the Lord will show me a good way to tell everyone about the streetboys. if we are blessed enough to go to school, i'm going to do all that i can to see that they go to school too.

this is the video link, click on it and press play.

http://www.vimeo.com/14286967